How to Avoid Yelling at Your Kids, Even on the Hardest Days?
“The most amazing thing about the Positive Whispers process was that I simply stopped yelling at my children. I’m calmer, they’re calmer, and suddenly I don’t have to scream to get their attention. It was worth it just for that!”
Who hasn’t experienced the following scene?
You get home from work after a long hard day at the office, you left work at the last minute, traffic was terrible, you rushed to pick up the kids from school, they’re bad-tempered, and when you finally get home this one won’t do his homework, that one is fighting with her little sister, and you’re trying to function in this giant pressure cooker until you just explode and scream as loud as you can, just to make yourself heard over all the noise in the house.
And the screaming helps, for an hour, for five minutes, for a second.
But then those guilt trips start to show up.
Lots of mothers ask me what is the secret to running a different type of household, how can they overcome the automatic yelling at the children and use their subconscious to get the kids’ attention and cooperation.
There is a solution and it has been proven by dozens of families who experienced the Positive Whispers process and have adopted this method to their life.
Do you want to experience it too? Here are a few ingredients from the secret recipe:
Start with a few basic assumptions
1. My children are more important than momentary anger – always remember that your children are more important than the things that are happening at this specific moment. They are more important than the loud/oppositional/uncooperative/contrary behavior they are exhibiting right now. Their feelings are more important than the anger, helplessness and upset you are feeling at this moment. And if the children are more important than this particular moment then it is possible and advisable to think for a second before reacting with anger and yells.
2. I am more important than momentary anger – the same principle as in the first ingredient is at work here, and your calm, peace, focus and quality of life is more important than momentary feelings of anger which will eventually pass. Understanding this principle will help you put things in order and cope with emotional situations a little more calmly and composedly.
3. I am the most important role model for my children – and if I am their most important role model, and my kids learn through watching me, and I want them to behave calmly and control their emotions in difficult situations then… the obvious conclusion is that I need to pull myself together emotionally, even when anger is justified. And when I am emotionally composed my children learn to regulate their emotions even in tensely emotional situations.
And now some things you can do to achieve the desired change:
1. Take out a pen and paper
2. Write down at least 20 bad things which could happen if you keep yelling at your children. Write down everything your mind comes up with. From the example you are setting for your children and through to the possibility of harming your future relationships. Write down everything that pops in your mind and just write it down. And yes, at least 20 negative consequences are required.
3. Write down 20 reasons it would be good for you to make the change and stop screaming at the kids. Any reason at all: a positive atmosphere at home, all of you being happier, calmer children etc… Remember at least 20 positive reasons for making the change.
4. Imagine the perfect afternoon at home, everyone’s happy, behaving beautifully, calm and cooperative. Allow yourself to go a little crazy with your imagination, because in your imagination everything’s allowed. If there is a voice in your head telling you this is impossible, or it will never happen then say to it: thank you very much, but I don’t care what you have to say, this is my imagination and I will imagine whatever I want. Write down everything you imagined, in as much detail as possible. Write it all down, paying attention to what you see, what you hear, what you feel, how you act, how you look and sound, how the children look and sound, who’s home, what the atmosphere in the house is, what you are doing and more and more, as much as you can.
5. Keep the paper you’ve written on at your night table beside your bed and read it every night before you go to sleep. Then close your eyes, imagine it and let yourself feel what you will feel when this actually happens. Happiness, excitement, pleasure. Just intensify the feeling and let yourself fall asleep with that wonderful feeling, imagining the ideal situation at home.
6. Repeat step 5 at least 30 days in a row, and imagine again and again before you go to sleep how you look, how you act, what you say, what you do, what you hear, what you feel when everything you want to happen in the family atmosphere happens.
So Inesa, You are telling me that all I have to do is to imagine it and it will happen?
And the answer is yes, that is how our brain is built, when you build a strong mental picture of what you aspire for and connect it with positive feelings then the brain starts looking for those situations in order to create and maintain the image or the situation we hope for.
